Are you blocking love?

In case you haven’t noticed, the law of karma is alive and kicking – sometimes in your face. I am frequently asked, “Am I in some kind of love-blocking cycle in my relationships?”

Here are a few of the more common obstacles to a satisfying romantic connection:

Attachment to Outcomes:
Searching for a hero or falling in love with the idea of someone, rather than the real person, causes us to become attached to certain outcomes. Much pain and suffering occurs when reality doesn’t fit our fantasy. When things don’t turn out as we had expected, disappointment is the result. Expectations are the mother of all disappointments. Disappointment means we had expectations, and, if you think about it, aren’t preconceived expectations manipulative? Attachment to specific outcomes leads to attempts to control, and attempts to control alienates partners. Relax and take things as they come. Don’t hold on to preconceived notions or cling to a partner’s “potential.”

Unrealistic Expectations:
Trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, romantically, is a lesson in futility. If your guy thinks that marriage is akin to a prison sentence at San Quentin and children would be his torture; you as a consummate Earth mother who wants marriage and a house full of rosy-cheeked cherubs are not going to be happy. Holding on to the relationship with a stranglehold won’t make him change, but it will waste your time and energy.

Poor Self-Image:
We project our own fears onto our relationships. When we feel badly about ourselves, separation is seen as abandonment and human frailties are seen as personal attacks. Relationships tend to mirror our internal worlds. What I criticize in my partner is many times what I dislike in myself. When we resolve our own inner problems, it is amazing how the quality of our relationships improves.

A Dissatisfied Mind:
The root of most relationship unhappiness is “a dissatisfied mind.” Looking at the glass of our lives and our loves as half-full, rather than half-empty, sounds like a simple thing to do. However, staying in this optimistic and positive mindset is far from easy. Most of us start down love’s road idealistic and hopeful, only to be crushed by the cruel and insensitive sides of life. Nevertheless, we all choose each moment of every day whether to view ourselves as victims defined by past failures or victorious, or intending to be happy and focusing on the bright side of any disappointment. By doing the latter, we greatly increase our chances of finding, nurturing, and sustaining the relationship of our dreams.

Bitterness and Forgiveness:
In the renewed/successful quest for romantic happiness, it is crucial that we free ourselves of resentments from past disappointments. The excruciating sting of rejection strikes at the very heart of our Soul. Bitterness is a toxic companion that will consume you from the inside out. Forgiveness is the first step to unblocking your love life cycles. Find a quiet place, visualize the name to your pain (the one on your perpetual, eternal s**t list) and consciously intend right then and there to forgive them. Concentrate and make the person feel you forgive them. Feel the release of the anger and bitterness that has imprisoned you. While it may take a few attempts, as you release the mental poison, you break the romantic karma between you.

Happiness is your birthright, but it is also a conscious choice. By freeing your mind of past disappointments and dissatisfactions, you can put an end to your love-blocking cycle and be ready to love again.